Why I Remain
by MalcontentX
July 9, 2002

Dear Friends,

Back in February of 2002, after I had posted my first document, (Sept. 11: Unanswered Questions) some writers/readers wrote to me of their concerns -as to my decision to remain anonymous.

The substance of my reply to them appears below.

At the time, I chose not to make this explanation public for a number of reasons -the main one being, quite frankly, that I did not want to scare many readers off.

Back then, the idea of questioning the "official" story of what happened on Sept. 11th was still such a matter of "conspiracy-theory" in most people's eyes. I felt that any admission on my part -as to my suspicions about the fascist underpinnings of modern society- may have caused many to consider me paranoid, and so pre-judge my examination as biased, before taking the time to read it.

I did allude to this concern on my main page, in a general sort of way; for it WAS this very concern, which drove upon me the necessity to really look at the evidence and present the document. At the same time, I knew that if there was ANY substance to my concerns, (or not) I would only help bring the truth to light by presenting as careful, thorough, and well-referenced a case as I could.

With the revelations surfacing in May and June of 2000, (numerous warnings of the attacks which went unheeded, by the FBI, CIA, The Bush Administration) -now that it is clear that top government officials have repeatedly lied to us about what occurred- there is far greater permission in the public sphere today, to discuss the various issues in a calm, considered manner.

It's now possible to begin speaking in greater detail about the dark possibilities implied in the events of Sept. 11, while still maintaining a claim to the principles of careful, referenced, and reliable research.

That is, even while I speak here of a "hidden" power, an essentially covert force operating in society, a convergence of unaccountable organizations, surveillance technology and economic power, I make no claim -at this time- as to how such a force may have played a part in the events of Sept. 11. It's simply a matter of honesty -for me to let you know of my concerns.

I think many of you are now ready to accept that, even if I may be so concerned -even if you are not- this need not cause you to doubt my commitment to an honest inquiry.

Above all, it is my intention to not give into the politics of fear: the main weapon of those who seek to control others; for, as I see it, once we are afraid, "they" have us.

In truth, there is no need to be afraid, for what truly matters cannot be taken away.

Fear, of course, does have its place in the world, in the narrow, practical sense; such as, the fear of walking into traffic or touching a hot stove, (notions which keeps us from experiencing unnecessary pain). The fear that some thoughtless bully or big-shot may cause us serious pain may move us to not provoke them, or to bide our time until an opportune moment to confront them is at hand; yet no such concern should cause us to believe that we could ever lose the power to overcome the obstacles that are unnecessary to our growth; and those obstacles which are necessary to our growth, we only overcome through the light of understanding, wherein fear is no ruler, (nothing more than servant, mirror, warning beacon).

By either focusing on the fear, or denying it, we make the necessary the growth which would otherwise be unnecessary.

Fear, darkness, is a part of the light, love: nothing more, nothing less.

If we choose to be so attached to our hamburgers, our homes, our handguns, (or whatever expressions of freedom and security we conjure up) -that we would feel powerless if they be taken away- then we may, indeed, fear for their loss, (in order that we may learn from where our real power emanates).

What is essential is that we face our fears... before the weight of denial becomes so great as to crush our capacity to do anything but flee -once the bombs start going off in our town, (should that come to pass, should it become necessary

Once we begin to face our fears, as individuals, we must eventually come to face the wall of collective, mass denial -the compounded pain, passed on through generations, the centuries of civilized atrocity written into every stone, every charred piece of steel- the shroud through which it may appear impossible, at first, to see; the realm into which the fearful think only the most paranoid would go.

As we face our fears, then the instruments of security we require to ground our souls to the physical earth, (house, handgun, maybe not hamburgers, ha ha) need not be sacrificed. If we can let them go, in spirit, they shall be returned to us in more than the physical.

For more thoughts on the nature of fear, see the appendix below.

So I do not ask you to share my deepest concerns, dear reader, in order that my research may be of value to you; for there are many levels of concern, desire, imagination, upon which i know we concur.

If you do share my deeper concerns, may you walk lightly with them, with a smile outside for the certainty you feel within; that, not only is a "better world possible," it's the only one that has ever had the chance of being realized.

If we take the signposts of danger seriously, it's only a matter of time, before they guide us home.

A safe harbor awaits.

In answer to this question from a fellow investigator,
"I am hesitant to discuss things with someone who can't give a name. Do you have some reason for not using your name."

I gave this reply:

I think I do, yes. I understand why you may be concerned, and I'll try to give your question a considered response.

I think you and I are probably in agreement that we, "the people," (and you and I as individuals) are up against some nasty foes; in general, perhaps we could call them forces of social oppression; specifically, an organized, often covert military, corporate, governmental power.

The ultimate resolution of this oppression, (it seems to me) is for the vast majority of "the people" to simply cease cooperating with our governing elite; yet, in order for that to happen, a dialogue of resistance must be organized.... to help awaken the consciousness of the many to our shared, historic destiny.

Those of us who step out ahead, who try and get this organization moving, are bound to receive extra, repressive attention; thus, for ourselves, and for the movement, a certain amount of caution is in order.

In this regard, there seems to be two basic schools of thought.

One is to say: be as public as possible, be out in the open, vocal, so it'll raise too many suspicions if they do anything; i.e. they can only silence a critic if they find him/her down a back alley.

The other school is: take no chances; prepare for the worst; bide our time; feed the resistance in whatever way we can, (without exposing our hand completely).

The question of how repressive we believe the state is capable of being, largely determines how much caution we believe is necessary.

Myself, I believe that we are dealing with the looming imposition of a worldwide fascist state: where nothing counts, (to the elite) but the exercise and maintenance of power....

While I make no predictions, I do not rule out: military rule, concentration camps, torture, genocide, etc.; I know this to be a reality in many parts of the world already; thus, I take a lot more precautions than most in the industrialized world might.

[At the same time, I see the rise of divine consciousness, the possibilities of peace on earth as never before, and a sufficient sense of abundance for all. I have made a commitment to never let my awareness of the darkness and danger overwhelm my certainty in the light of love. There thus remains an ongoing, dynamic interaction of two "realities" within a single whole, (the one, (positive) clearly being more "real" than the other, though not exclusively)].

The problem with this measure of caution I take for myself, of course, is that, (at the moment) I make it within the context of a social movement which must be largely public.

Though I would like it if most people were as aware of the "nasties" as I am -and took similar precautions, (i.e. anonymity, pseudonym, etc.) I know that this is not likely. If anything, the struggle to overcome the deceptions of the elite, means bringing it, (and ourselves) MORE into the public eye, not less.

We are not "there" yet: neither in the matter of mass consciousness, (with which to carry on a clandestine resistance) nor in the strength of public debate; nor the degree to which already-existing fascist institutions makes such caution seem reasonable to most.

So if I take such precautions for myself... and most other people will not, this leaves other people more-exposed than I, even while I'm helping to "fan the flames" of resistance; thus, I acknowledge that, on the surface, my approach might appear to be divisive, if not outright cowardice.

My approach stems from three basic points:

one, the present weakness of the "public" eye means that being in it does not afford as much protection as some believe ;

two, a public and a clandestine approach, (within a movement, and within people's lives, to varying degrees) are not mutually exclusive;

three, there are dangers of which I am aware, that I am still not at liberty to speak on, (much like how I was not able to speak freely on this particular matter back in February).

1) Consider, for example, all the very "public" assassinations that took place in the 60's, (JFK, RFK, MLK, MalcolmX, etc.).

Those in charge have made their point so very clear: anyone who begins to get close to the throne of power knows you don't go beyond a certain point of bucking the system, and live.

It's okay to talk publicly, probingly, NOW, about those assassinations, (ten, twenty, thirty years) after the implications of disclosure have faded to a fraction of what they once were; but in their immediate aftermath?

I believe that if a person today seriously begins to threaten the status quo, there are innumerable ways of "neutralizing" them; and all it takes is one miscalculation too many: then we can be of help to no one, save as one more invisible martyr.

Do I believe myself to be a serious threat to the hypocrites of the status quo? Given time, the principles of non-violent resistance, (and the context of a mass movement) I have every intention of making myself as "threatening" to their ill-gotten power and privilege as I can.

Long-time dissidents like Noam Chomsky and Amy Goodman, (presently the most popular radio commentator on National Public Radio, who was fired by the leaders of a "coup" at NPR, now re-instated after a mass movement of listeners took the [now bankrupt] corporation back) are allowed to continue breathing, (in my opinion) for two reasons:

Up until now, they have represented no critical threat to the power structure, which is so powerful as to run circles around the dissident movements, (that is, in terms of setting the framework for what "the critics" have to respond to,... Sept 11 being a prime example.
[Chomsky, Goodman, and virtually all the leading voices on "the left" have virtually accepted the "official" story about how it happened. Such critics have long been focused on U.S. foreign policy, which the elite can tolerate more dissension of. Only now is this changing]);

and two,

the elite are actually too stupefied by their own power to realize that people like Goodman and Chomsky ARE a threat, by virtue of the conscious awareness they are helping to plant in the minds of people... which is growing unseen, destined to one day flower in revolt.

In my view, people like Chomsky and Goodman are courageous for daring to push the boundaries of what they can get away with in the public eye; on the other hand, I believe they are naive if they believe that a purely public movement will save them, (and any other leaders, spokespersons, etc) from elimination -if and when the shit really begins to hit the fan.

Like, "look out Ralph, if you think they'll ever let you get CLOSE to being President." (Maybe you're prepared for that end, my friend, if that is a role that must be played. I suggest something different).

The existence of Chomsky and Goodman etc. does, in some way, express the limitations of elite power at present -as to its capacity to silence dissent; but it seems clear that we are quickly moving into an era when such democratic niceties will no longer be tolerated.

I believe we have to keep an ace, a trump card, in reserve; that is, to keep "them" guessing about who we really are, and what we are really "up to" -even as we attempt to publicize more clearly, more passionately, the necessity for a revolution in the public sphere.

The internet, more than any other medium in history, gives us the means to do this. I believe we should utilize this element to whatever extent we can.

I myself continue to be very active and up-front in the social-justice movement; those who know me sometimes describe me as excessively outspoken; but as far as 9/11 is concerned, I remain anonymous.

I do not e-mail anyone about this from my home/work/friend's computer. I do not talk about this over the phone. I suggest many of you do the same, in part, if not in whole.

To speak from the gut for a moment, I believe 9/11 may be THE issue that is going to break the back of "the beast," and herald an era of transformation; and, if this is true, I intend to help make it so.

I believe this is where the shit is going to hit the fan. I'm planning on the possibility, and so taking extra precautions.

Does this mean that people who are organizing to spread doubt on the 9/11 story are in danger?

To varying degrees, yes; and I would encourage every such person to take extra precautions, (to use certain aliases amongst certain groups, etc.) even as they continue to do public work, (9/11 or otherwise).

I would encourage such people who do push the public envelope, to not push it to the point where they assume that the public arena is the only one in which our investigation is moving forward; rather, they should take comfort knowing that there are others, in places unseen, or less visible, who cannot or will not reveal themselves until the situation is sufficiently matured -who yet have an important contribution to make, in helping to bring those same conditions forward.

For my part, I believe it's a responsibility to help publicize the work and issues of people who make a strong public stand -that they may be afforded as much "public" protection as possible.

I believe it's not necessary for the Ruppert's and the Zwicker's of the world to endanger themselves -if we critically support and publicize their work; and, if they take care to trust the process enough, to remember that it is not all up to themselves, and their capacity to encourage more people to make an open stand.

They are performing an important role, as are others less-visible.

Both can feed and support the other.

The critical factor is whether we of such awareness, we who are looking on, reading this, choose to take responsibility for what we see as the protection of our common, public realm -whether we express it through public or clandestine means, and varying degrees thereof. In so doing, may we incite others to do the same.

Now, one may reasonably ask, "If a person like Micheal Ruppert is prepared to lay it all on the line -out in public, speaking on some very dark, disturbing stuff- why not you?"

There is more disturbing stuff to come, I say. We each have different parts to play.

One day, some time ago, I had a clear vision of where we, (humanity) may be travelling to, what my contribution to that could be -and how, if I attempted to "come out" with it before the time was right, then I could be taken out, and my contribution squandered.

I could be wrong, delusional, victim of two many "star wars" flicks; yet that is what my gut is telling me. I have learned to trust that.

Of Micheal Ruppert, I have heard it said, "the man is fearless."

I too, am not afraid to die, or to give my life in the service of the movement for social-justice; for, as Casteneda's mentor, Don Juan, suggests, to think of death as anything less than a constant "advisor" only robs our lives of its critical spark, by which we may live each moment as if it were our last, and cultivate the capacity to die well, meaningfully, with a purpose, and a sense of the eternal, always at hand.

In this, I am no more or less than many others. I only ask that you trust that there are things to come -in comparison to which, what we are dealing with now is child's play.

Far more important than my contribution alone, are the many people who exist in "sensitive" places within the modern social structure, who see a need for fundamental change, yet who feel unable to speak out -either from a sense of fear, retribution, (or who choose to stay in such a position because it affords them the potential to effect a critical change, when the time comes). Such people are just burning inside to speak their mind; they have important insight to contribute, and they're looking for a "safe" platform of anonymity upon which to place their "bombshells" of information.

It is altogether understandable that, in an age where covert government rules, and where the authority of the public sphere has been usurped by a private cabal, that people would feel suspicious or irritated by someone who wishes to remain anonymous, online, and still be involved in the organizational process/dialogue; yet I believe this is a hurdle we must climb over.

I believe that we need to build, alongside a demand for the resurrection of the public sphere, (via the demand for a "public" investigation of 9/11) an opening to a culture of consciousness, clandestine in body, but not in ideas.

To you who dares to stand up in the public eye, and speak with a mind for the many voices made silent, I celebrate your faith in the power of the people; and i also encourage you to be careful.

I believe you/we are helping to unleash a divine power on earth, that is rising now to confront the false profiteers -and that, there are other realms of confrontation that are going on alongside the public one, which both threaten, and offer you protection -should you choose to remain mindful of their existence.

So ride the wave, brave heart, feel the tide of human perception as it slowly rises up across your conscious frontier and back out again, lending you strength; that, together, we may one day wash away the parasites now standing at the helm of the ship.

Yet not without a merciless discipline shall we steer through the darkness of night, knowing when to feed the rebellion amongst the shadows, and when, sometimes, to keep still the lips when standing in the light.

Good luck to us all.



Naturally, I remain open and interested to hear whatever thoughts you may have on this subject, and/or others; and, as a bit of a dimensional twist, perhaps i can share with you a most unusual dream I had last night.

I do not claim it to be prophetic. As with many dreams, you may find it laced with an incoherent mixture of "star wars" set-design, projected selves, desires, delusions. Perhaps you will see your own self reflected. Perhaps I am but one amongst many, having a similar dream.

Coming on the heels of my editing the above, I found it interesting, and thought you might as well.

A dream.

Weaving through-in and through-out
this realm of mystical confusion...
a great, monumental struggle:
between those
who would use the force of darkness
to conquer,
and those who would simply be as one
amongst the instruments of light,
the darkness made divine.

I saw my destiny:
one day, I would have to confront
the maji,
the sorcerer,
the great mind that gathers unto itself
all the powers of illusion and fear,
who stands upon the mountaintop
of human corruption,
preparing to complete the usurpation
of the public realm.

I, of simple rank,
standing in the great hall
-where fine robes and phrases mingle
with the "clink" of glass and
accomplished air-
recognize the disguise.

He moves amongst them with
deliberate, subdued grace.
The mask of mirrors upon
his face deflects my gaze, I can only
see the movement of form.

I simply call out to him with my mind,
and say,
"I want to talk with you."

A whirl of words, gibberish,
flails out at me, an encyclopedia of intelligent hate designed to disarm me
amidst the din of unconscious chatter.

I am tempted not, nor afraid.

I repeat the phrase,
"I want to talk with you."

This time, the gibberish more-frantic,
a scream emanates.

The many faces turn to see a shadow.
It evaporates, in the light
of our common gaze.

Suddenly, a great weight is lifted
from the hall,
dignitaries shaking
hands, smiling with congratulations,
for the thousand years of peace
which now lies before us.
The great trauma
is clearly left behind, having served its role;
and everyone has played a part.

At the end of the corridor,
stands a modest monument
to the one who is said to have played the most critical
role of all; a simple man, it seems,
a farmer.

Only later do I discover that he is
no longer with us; he had surrendered
to the darkness with the purest
of intentions, and was now
a part of us ALL.

Some thoughts on the nature of Fear,
Darkness, Death

Darkness and the light are not separate. They are part and parcel of a single whole.

Darkness is not the enemy of the light -even though it does negate it. That negation of light is the role of darkness; without it, we would see no shape, definition; we would just have a blanket of light.

Without human imperfection, error, we would not have growth, discovery, the act of becoming, the perfection of one's being.

What turns the darkness "negative," unbalanced, in my opinion, is denial. Compounded denial is what the unrelenting pain of empires and genocide are built upon. The only way to let the light "win" is to let the darkness come into the light. Yet neither can we simply "accept" the expressions of denial; rather, we must transform them in the act of BECOMING.

The way I like to look at it, (though I have my bad days/moments like everyone else) WE ALREADY ARE IN THE LIGHT... have been all the time; and if we approach our difficulties from that place, then we can't help but find the solutions we're looking for -if, and only if, we also recognize that, in order to tap into that place of knowing, we need to be willing participants in the act of BECOMING.

This is where "darkness" comes in. If we can see beyond the DEGREE of pain in the world, to recognize that the darkness is what gives us the motivation to move into the light, the will to transform our being, then we simply ask: what is the darkness telling me? who do I need to become? how do I need to act, in order to TRANSFORM the darkness?

The answers may be difficult to accept. They may ask of us what may seem to be great sacrifice; yet in the end, the changes we are being asked to contemplate are the same ones which will unveil our greatest joy, happiness, fulfillment, realization.

The "darkness" is pointing the way.

If we look at the terrible darkness at work in the world today, and see it as a force of transformation, is it not then plain to see, what tremendous love awaits us? -in behind? once we have the courage to face the fear?

A key to this, in my opinion, is again darkness; or, in this particular case, "death."

As you may or may not know with your understandings of psychology, there is what we call a healthy attachment (or alignment) to one's own sense of self, identity, and ego, and an unhealthy one.

A healthy ego is confident, yet flexible, interactive, receptive. An unhealthy ego is either lacking in self-worth, overtly; or, over-confident -due to an inner lack of confidence, (which is then expressed outwardly as being brash, aloof, insensitive). Whether overt or not, the unhealthy ego is a controlling one: control, to excess; and the focus of its control, is an attachment to the SELF, its wants, mannerisms, history, routines, etc.

In this, "death" comes to us to remind us that these bodies we inhabit are just on loan to us. The personality, path, experience we are carving in this lifetime shall all be returned to the great primordial soup from which we come -in which swims our greater, eternal BEING.

Perhaps you are also aware that in every spiritual tradition, (at least as far as I am aware) there is the concept of a "spiritual death," where we recognize that ALL things of substance must die... the plants, animals, rocks, people, dreams, ambitions, campaigns, victories -save the one substance which inhabits all things, creates all things, yet which cannot be seen, felt, tasted, heard, except in relation to the things which die: that is, spirit.

When we recognize that EVERYTHING in life is ultimately a mystery -that we are, in fact, mysterious, luminous beings of light, then we can allow ourselves the necessity of having confidence, an ego, desires, ambitions... not in order to "get" something, (for, why would we want to "get" something when we already have a tie-in to ALL things) "getting" something simply becomes THE MEANS, the vehicle, by which we are able to interact with the darkness, that we may TRANSFORM it so as to dance with the light in perfect harmony.

The external solutions, (social justice, material needs, etc.) cannot be achieved in isolation from our internal growth; and to the degree that we allow our SELVES, our identities, our self-understanding to change, evolve -trusting that this change is but the outer reflection of something which does not change, (to which we are eternally connected)- then we fully empower ourselves to tap into whatever we need.

The more attached we are to our sense of identity, (in general) the less able we are to allow it to change, the more we are, in fact, trying to defend ourselves from the darkness, (from a place of doubt). Thus, the more cut-off from the ever-present light we find ourselves to be; and the more we look to external "solutions" to affirm our sense of hope, worthiness, capacity.

We cannot let go of our sense of identity completely -for it is the means by which we BECOME; and yet, IN THE ACT of "letting go" (spiritual death) we discover our TRUE IDENTITY, our true character which cannot be taken away, dissolved... something which is not based on fashion, a need to belong, convenience, fear, etc.

This is what, in my view, makes the pain we experience and see on earth REAL. On the other side of REAL pain is transformation; yet to get to the real side of the pain, fear, darkness, there are many layers of DENIAL which we may have to go through... before we are no longer using the pain, fear, as a means of propping up our own, inner doubt.

The more we understand this, I believe, the more-willing a participant we are in the process of transformation... the more we realize our own PERSONAL EXPRESSION of true being, in which the darkness and light dance in perfect harmony.... our eternal self, (expressed ever more perfectly in the living/dying flesh).

We cannot do this for want of receiving recognition from others, nor can we stand aloof from the pain and suffering that others feel; for while we are here, the pain of others is our pain, though we may experience it more as lonliness than fear.

Letting go takes many forms. It may mean buying less things... changing career. It could precipitate a process of withdrawl from "normal" human discourse which we may be frightened to venture into -and which many may be too frightened to try until a few step forward to show a way through. For some, it begins with an injury or sickness that stops us cold -compelling us to move to the heart of the matter quite quickly.

It seems quite possible that, as we move towards the light, great pain and suffering will be unleashed before us on the earth, for which we will be asked great faith and courage to endure.

It also seems clear to me that, the more prepared we are to recognize the denial in life, to admit that the great wave of social fear is coming -threatening to wash away all that was one held sacred to human civilization- .... the more will be able to maintain a sense of balance, joy, love along the way.

I'm reminded of the image of Jesus in the desert: forty days and nights, tempted by every vestige of darkness within and without; like the eye of a hurricane, from a place of calm he faced each fear, one after another, allowing them to be transformed into faith, until the storm was no more.

We simply need to face it...
transform it
in the act of becoming
something mysterious,
calling us
to be HERE,
in THIS way,


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